How does Empathy relate to Burnout?

I've been doing a lot of training recently with people working in under-funded and impossibly squeezed frontline services.

These kind of jobs often attract people who care enormously and who are the first to admit that they struggle to look after themselves, so we have been exploring how practices of self compassion can be an antidote to the risks of being overly empathic.

Empathy is the relational quality that allows us to sense another's emotional landscape. Our brains have cells called mirror neurons that activate the same neural circuits in us as the person we are supporting, giving us a first person experience of what they are feeling. If we are able to stay aware of what is happening and can process our own response, we remain able to offer support that is effective and that lays a foundation for trust and safety to build.

If however, we lose sight that these feelings belong to the other person we might internalise them as our own and become overwhelmed. This kind of empathy can be problematic.

  In the first version of empathy, emotional regulation is sustained by keeping a distinct sense of ourself and the other. In the second we risk losing our ability to reflect and think clearly, insted becoming enmeshed with the other. This state has now been recognised as empathic distress.

Whilst empathy is a vital element of healthy social bonding and is the first stage of compassion, we need to complement it with a

clear distinction of self and other. We need to have a sense of

offering kindness and care 'to' the other, rather than feeling the feelings 'for' the other.

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One possibly radical antidote for this tendency is to start with self compassion. Rather than putting all our attention onto others, we turn some of our care towards ourselves. We acknowledge our limits and our needs for boundaries and care and explore ways to put these in place.

Whilst self compassion can feel like learning a foreign language for anyone who has learned to put others first, it really does make sense to recognise the times we are trying to give from an empty cup. If we compare it with the logic of putting our own oxygen mask on first in a plane, it starts to make sense to prioritise refilling our cup of emotional resilience before attending to others.

A simple three-step self compassion practice from Kristen Neff is:

1. Notice your experience. (Mindfulnness)

2. Bring an attitude of common humanity to it. (Normalise what you are noticing eg: framing limitations, overwhelm, feeling responsible as very human.)

3. Act kindly towards yourself. (Respond in the same way as you would to a friend who is experiencing the same.)

 Then rince and repeat.

What I find fascinating is that empathic distress used to be known as compassion fatigue. Neuroscientists have discovered that empathy and compassion activate very different parts of the brain, and actually the very thing (compassion) that frontline workers were attributing their burnout to, is actually the medicine for what they are actually experiencing, (empathic distress).

The great news is that this critical skill of compassion can be learned and in doing so, we build our capacity for emotionally regulated empathy. A quality of empathy that is resourced and does not result in us falling into the burnout territory of exhaustion and prolonged stress.  Simultaneously the more we practise self compassion, the more genuine our compassion for others will be.

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I work with individuals, teams and organisations to support deeper and more sustainable listening. If you would like to explore any element of that please email me on jennyrosesmith123@gmail.com